Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
sarcasm needs its own font
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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