And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
