Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
