i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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