For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Holy sore nipples Batman
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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