porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
