Sponge bath it is.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
