he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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