loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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