Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
