he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
