my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
