I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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