we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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