After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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