Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
