Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
