im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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