You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
