he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
