U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
