OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
