I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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