I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
