I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
