Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
