I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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