Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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