11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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