I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
