he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
