Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
