I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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