My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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