Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
