walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I checked into jail on foursquare
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
