its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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