You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
