I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think I am morally bankrupt
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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