I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
