i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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