I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
