i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
