Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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