im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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