i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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