Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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