I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
