I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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