The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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