im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Mom said you looked used
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
