One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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