the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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