he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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