I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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