There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i think my cat just said my name.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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