the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
