So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
