If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
