i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
