i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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