omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
