i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
