it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
