your thong is hanging out like whoa
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
