i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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