the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
