OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
