i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
