Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my sisters under your porch take her home
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So vagazzling was a success
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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