I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
