Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
