Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
